photos
of it being there being used
by men with big hands
and laughter.
It was a safe distance away,
until I was in it,
coiled having not read the signs
that never marked my way.
Didst thou know,
thy feature be thy hanging.
It's me, that man with the nose and yes, I happen to look like Mr. Bean and my dad like Dr Phil. Yeah, I walk faster towards the ground because I hunch, out of habit. Yeah, I talk with an accent. I'm like Gaviscon. I see people drinking in the laughter while I just ain't noticing it all happen. I used to think this was me needing to be with my little boy finger on ctrl, but something about the night that passed gave me another idea.
Fitting a circle in a square may not work or may leave gaps. Can't ultimately shape the circle into a perfect square, nor the square into a perfect circle. So now to scrunch up and dispose of that stock metaphor, I actually feel like there isn't a point to this fitting. Actually, what is the point? It's not that there's always going to be someone that doesn't like me. Rather, I feel like there is far too much I am unconscious of, and remain so, when I try to change one thing, that I can never really change all of it. It's not enough, because it can't be.
So, well... it's still going to get laughter, and oddreactions. What can I do? Rien. Non, rien de rien, je ne regrette rien. And who knows, maybe, maybe it's worth it somehow, that it happens. At least for me, I can now stop watching myself, and start watching myself for when I watch myself, and then remind myself that I'm looking at a film.
2 comments:
Expectations and mold-fitting. :) There is no point to confining yourself to the mainstream, and no point in defining yourself against the mainstream either. Let go of the concept altogether and just be yourself, as you tell me often.
Sometimes there is difficulty in following that directive, if you don't know who you are, or if for some reason you are ashamed of it. But you're almost 21 now, and in 21 years you'll be almost 42, and 21 years after that you'll be almost 63, and those years will pass by faster than you know. Might as well start making some good habits now, and have the benefit of them for longer.
Stand straight! Shoulders back! Be tall and loud voiced and clumsy.
It's 2 months and 1 day since March 30, and words exchanged then still hold true now, despite all the various personal oddities we've revealed to each other.
I just saw this comment!
Merci. It is difficult following the directive, but somehow it's worth it because it's going somewhere that feels now to be a peaceful place and a peaceful journey towards it. It's only tumultuous when I combat obstacles, when I fight, when I struggle. If i could learn how to let be truly, well, there would be peace all the moment then.
<3 dear
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