In 21 Minutes

21 minutes until the 22nd hour of the 12th of May, 2010. Look at all these pixels - see how they are perceived as letters, as words, as coherent sentences, as information to be understood, shared, transformed, transferred, translated, transubstantiated even. When the time reaches a certain combination of pixels, this post will end.

The words of today were guided by trust. They were spoken to be heard, and they were. I was met with faces, with smiles, with a hug at one point. I knew I did not force them to occur. And I have learned not to derive meaning from them but let their significance be told from within instead of from without. Yes, they were humbling, reassuring even. They were more honest, I feel. In my previous game of forming expectations, I had trampled upon the basic feat of friendship - space. Space to let the other people grow, instead of imposing a framework upon them that boxes them in a certain way, like a handicap. Those aren't friendships. But today, I see friendship as unity. Despite the surface paraphernalia and the miscellaneous gesturing, there is an open connection through which smiles emerge and relationships blossom and manifest emotions and support. Do the forms mean anything? I can assign them one, I am capable. But they themselves do not come programmed. Maybe we should let them be, instead of attributing them with ephemeral import where there is none. One can place nothing in nothing, but it won't be something, it will still be nothing.

Amidst this world devoid of meaning, I find there is light where I am, light that I had overlooked. And this light cannot be encapsulated by pixels on the screen. But it's there; not as a mystical ideal, not as a magical energy ball, not as fiction, not as a character from Death Note, but as it is. Objective, I might not seem. Subjective, I may. Cela ne fait rien. Whatever I say comes from here. We can argue, debate, refute. Mais...

"I am light. I am one too strong to fight."