Worth Nothing

This set of words, it speaks to me
And I hope you too, if it be
That you share in me, today,
A hope, a smile within.

I am worth nothing.
Being of the littlest value is unlike me,
For I do not reach there.
I don't chart.
And so I want to cry at my demise,
The realisation that this shallow is a pit.
Suffocation can't occur with air in this hole
So why can't I see it?
It's cause I don't want to.
I refuse.
I refuse.
I want to be healed? No, never.
I hurt and that's that, that's my life.
I deserve it, all the pain that comes
Because I make it, it's mine.

I am a creator, I did this.
The crumbling shenanigans, the apple cores...
All mine, made in me, for me
In being misguided.

I mistook. I miscreated.
But I have held on to my glass pedestal as I would hold on to a cloud.
I didn't fly, but I wanted to.
I tried to raise myself from a platform I do not occupy.
And I never will. Ever.
I can wait and repeat the cycle, but no.
No more, I'm done.
It's too hard, the pain of suffering when I defend an illusion,
A shadow of me. Who I thought I was.
I know that it's not me, but I live,
Day to day, with the same façade
The same laugh and the same mannerism
Of a marionette.

Inside I patiently await. I am here
Waiting for you to realise what is worth more:
A lie, or a life?