Unreasonable Reasoning

It's like everyday I start anew
Like I don't even have a clue
How to live my life.
I pretend it's clear
But I know that I'm wrong
Because finding peace takes far too long.

In my quest for an answer
I have broken myself down,
Told myself that happiness is too lost to be found.
And I believed in me and in those words
So desperately, so foolishly,
So childishly I spent my energy in vain.

Hopeless, I'm lost.
Sought validation for the things that I had done,
But took none to heart.
Breathless, I gasped
For the one to make everything all right
But no one ever said a word.

There's always some reason
To feel broken apart
By the hands I pen these words with.
It will never get any easier,
The words never meant anything at all
So this wall that's built remains tall.

I find comfort in the abyss,
In the maw of sadness
There's always, ever an opportunity for bliss.
But solace doesn't heal my wounds
Love doesn't know why it left
And I don't know why of them I am bereft.

Shedding tears might be beautiful release
But no love is given to those who can't see
And I'm blind, faithfully so, in pain.
Somehow despair renders my eyes inert
And I don't know where I'm going
To find sweet surrendering paths to true knowing.

Caveat silence, tripping the switch
I fell into my trap of ages and gloom,
From where I weep for my own tomb.
I think I'm stupid, so stupid,
Such a fool to believe.
For missed redemption I grieve.

Chances are, I've given up,
Chances are there's no tomorrow
I held on too long to my sorrow.
And out of that came hell
Beckoning nightmares to come ravage
My dreams, my hopes, my terrifically mistaken hopes.

You shouldn't care about me,
You shouldn't listen to my lament,
You shouldn't know what I'm crying about.
But you do.
Here's the life you wanted, messed up.
Because we feel the same, we're losing this game to our pain.